): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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