I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
