Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
