Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
