READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
