i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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