Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
