nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
