Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
