just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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