i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
