you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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