So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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