I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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