i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
