I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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