Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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