I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
