Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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