It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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