You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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