Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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