I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
