Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
