I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
