i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
