So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
