she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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