Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
