He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
