I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
