Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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