eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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