Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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