That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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