i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
