i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
