She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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