Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
