atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
