In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
