Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
