I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So many bounce houses so little time
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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