Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
