if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
