My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
