It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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