Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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