she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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