I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
