I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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