Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
