I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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