he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
