I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
